Sins of the Mother
by JustAnotherNinetiesBitch
Summary: Parallel universe, season 3; "There's no doubt about it - Cliff Barnes is the father of the child."
1. Chapter 1

"There's no doubt about it - _Cliff Barnes_ is the father of the child."

When her knees buckled at Harv Smithfield's revelation, it was Bobby who prevented her fall. Bobby - _her_ _hero,_ **always**. Baby brother-in-law deserved a medal for all the times he had rescued her from herself. Bobby collected her listless frame into his arms and ferried her up the staircase, as far from the public spectacle as possible. Gossip of the paternity conundrum was rife in their elite circle and he didn't doubt that certain _friends_ of the family had attended his mothers cocktail party with the worst of intention.

"Sue Ellen," Bobby loosened his hold of her arm, wary of her inability to remain steady on two feet. The reality of the DNA result winded her and the panic buffered so hard, she battled to breathe. The walls of her marital bedroom seemed to close in, the roof mere inches above her head and Sue Ellen sunk onto the brim of the bed in a shaken state. A helpless whimper escaped her throat in between laboured breaths and Bobby crouched down in front of her feet. They could hear the fury in Jock's voice as he declared the test null and void, and how frantically Miss Ellie attempted to calm him. Bobby silently prayed his father would quieten, as his every word caused Sue Ellen to bristle.

"Bobby," her voice was a timid whisper and it shivered his name. "I don't know what to do. What do I do?" His failure to respond nauseated Sue Ellen and she hurtled into the en-suite, where she hurled the contents of her stomach into the toilet. He had promised that whatever the outcome of the DNA test, he would remain her family - after all was said and done, he was _still_ the uncle to baby John - but it was painfully obvious that even Bobby was unprepared for the result.

"Bobby," his wife hurriedly entered the room with the baby in her arms and a hastily-packed duffel. She was welcomed with the vision of Bobby and Sue Ellen lurched over the toilet. Pam afforded her sister-in-law a short but sweet, sympathetic smile. "Grab her coat, Bobby. We don't have much time. Daddy and Cliff are downstairs," she blurted out, as rapidly as she rammed a selection of Sue Ellen's clothes into a suitcase. Bobby expressed his confusion, his forehead lined and Pam explained; "I booked a suite at The Sheraton." Unlike her husband, Pam had foreseen the fallout that both he and Sue Ellen had prayed would not occur _and_ she had also devised a temporary solution.

Bobby's frown developed into an incredulous scowl. "Pammy?" The reaction seemed far-fetched; yet, Bobby also failed to envision that J.R. and Sue Ellen could ever repair their relationship after such a catastrophic betrayal. The two of them rapidly rammed a selection of Sue Ellen's clothes into an empty suitcase, while Sue Ellen stretched her arms across her chest, in an attempt to self-soothe. "Come on, hun," Bobby prompted her to follow Pam's determined lead. The arrival of the Barnes men had captured the attention of most, which fortunately allowed a swift exit from the rear entrance of the house. As Bobby sped away from Southfork and Pam tenderly soothed baby John, Sue Ellen peered back at the home she had known and loved for over a decade.


	2. Chapter 2

Miss Ellie bathed in the May sunshine, while her childhood sweetheart played around the local outdoor park with Aaron.

Within the five months that followed baby John's paternity suit, their lives had transformed drastically; J.R. and Sue Ellen were separated, to be divorced, and the Barnes-Ewing feud had escalated into all-out-war between J.R. and Cliff. Nevertheless, Miss Ellie and Pam continued their efforts to establish a peace treaty between the families. Sue Ellen, too, had amicably renamed her son in honour of Miss Ellie's beloved father, Aaron Southworth, who had served as a paternal influence in Willard's life.

"Willard," she clasped her hands into one, as he buckled Aaron into his stroller seat and started to lap the park. "How's Sue Ellen?" She lacked the emotional resilience of most and Miss Ellie worried for her relatively newfound sobriety.

"Fine, Ellie," he reported, as he did every other time she probed, and Miss Ellie could never ascertain whether it was because he suspected she would feed the information back to her husband and son. "Why don't you see for yourself? She asks after you the same." He always said that, too, and Miss Ellie always dismissed the sentiment with a sombre shake of her head. She didn't dare trouble the waters any more than she already had done. Her unofficial visitation with Aaron was a sore-point at Southfork, especially for J.R., who declared on more than one occasion that she and Bobby had committed mutiny on him in favour of the Barnes family and Sue Ellen. Her _disloyalty_ had created a deep wound for her son and Miss Ellie feared it may never heal.

Miss Ellie wordlessly halted his motion forward and crouched down in front of Aaron, who was almost twelve months old and the spit of Sue Ellen. "We miss him terribly," she unashamedly surrendered to her emotion. Without the little boy's cries in the early hours, or the collection of toys scattered around the house for any hurried person to trip on, Southfork lacked spirit. "Sometimes, I wish that damn paternity suit never happened; I wish… he were still _ours._"

There was a woeful sadness in her voice that he had never been privy to before, and her tears prompted a confession. "Ellie, I hope you know I took no pleasure in the pain all this has caused you," he uneasily cleared his throat. "_Or_ your family." Somehow, she doubted he cared for the effect Aaron's absence had on Jock or J.R. but Miss Ellie awarded him a small smile for intent. "The truth is, I sometimes wonder if Aaron would be better off had he been J.R.'s son."

"Willard, why would you say that?" Miss Ellie demanded, incredulous. He had once sworn it would be over his dead body that he would _ever_ concede his losses to Jock or his son; Miss Ellie wondered what could have prompted such hasty resolve.

He stared at her plainly and replied in one word; "Neurofibromatosis."

* * *

"Neuro-fibro-matosis," Sue Ellen cautiously repeated the word - a word which had entered her existence mere seconds before.

Pam reached for her hand but Sue Ellen swiped hers away too quick. "It's passed in DNA. Daddy found out he was a carrier shortly after Aaron was born." It should have been Cliff. It was _his_ responsibility to the mother of his child; but he had refused and manipulated delay tactics to escape the inevitable. He was so obviously tormented by the fear that Sue Ellen would end their already-frail relationship that he remained adamant the condition remain secret. It was his mindset that if Aaron was healthy and Sue Ellen was happy, then it would be non-sensical to rock the boat. Unfortunately for Cliff, their father had well and truly rocked the boat; Miss Ellie had confided in Bobby and it would be only a matter of time before Jock and J.R. latched on. All hell would surely break loose, if Sue Ellen were to learn of Cliff and Pam's dishonesty from her soon-to-be-ex-husband. "We had him checked out by a doctor in Fort Worth, shortly after he was home from the hospital. Cliff's physician has performed two full medical exams since and there were no symptoms found."

Reassurances had little effect on Sue Ellen, who paled with the shock. "I- I don't understand. You and Cliff have known about this for months… and you didn't think to tell me?" It wasn't a question, it was her narrative. She often stumbled upon hushed voices, sometimes in heated debate and every time Cliff laboured denial. In the end, she assumed it was residual paranoia from a decade of deceit.

"Sue Ellen, I am so sorry -"

"But he's fine. My baby - is _fine._" Aaron had adjusted to life away from Southfork and Sue Ellen received daily compliments on how well-developed the little boy was. He had a healthy appetite and his cries had the capacity to rouse half of Texas. "Pamela. _Is_ he fine?"

"The doctors say that he could show symptoms at any point but the first year is crucial." Pam forced herself to respond matter-of-factly, in order to be sure Sue Ellen received all the information, but it didn't make the delivery any easier for her. "The survival rate for children is low; Cliff and I lost a brother and sister both before they were a year old."

"My God…" Sue Ellen deflated, head-in-hands, and Pam curled an arm around her delicate frame.

"Sue Ellen," Pam could feel her sister-in-law detach emotionally from the room, and physically squeezed her shoulders to draw her back into orbit. "Aaron has shown no symptoms. The doctors have said how healthy he is. Another month or so, and they're pretty confident that Aaron could be just a carrier of the disease." Sue Ellen sniffed away the threat of tears and nodded her head, determined to be _that_ hopeful.

"I can't lose him, Pamela… I can't." The baby boy she had avoided for months had become her heart and soul.

"You won't, I promise."


	3. Chapter 3

The laws of destiny rendered Pam's promise an empty one.

* * *

The apartment door blew wide open and Cliff practically skipped across the threshold, as he carolled; "Honey, I'm home." These days, the former workaholic had become a notorious clock-watcher and scrambled to return home at the earliest opportunity for that extra minute with his son. Sue Ellen descended a step-ladder with paintbrush in hand and welcomed him with a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Oh, _hello._"

Cliff reeled her in for a more romantic embrace and Sue Ellen whispered, "Hello to you, too. How was your day?"

"Ah, a whole load of _blah-blah-blah,_" he mimicked the wheal-and-deal office talk that often induced a yawn from Sue Ellen. Try as she did - and she _did_ try hard - Sue Ellen simply could not muster any interest in the oil business. "I don't want to talk about work," Cliff had already discarded his briefcase and wrapped both arms around her waist. "How are you, pretty lady?"

Sue Ellen bit her bottom lip. Shortly after she had fled Southfork, Cliff had showered her with promises and beseeched a second chance - and, in her most vulnerable state, she afforded him one. To his credit, he had proven himself not only a man of his word but exceeded all expectation. Sure, there wasn't the passion and fire she had with J.R. and sometimes she pondered what-could-have-been with Dusty but neither compared to the love for _her boys._ "I am absolutely filthy," she declared, as she showcased the dried paint splattered carelessly on her clothes and skin. "Would you mind if I hop in the shower?"

"Go ahead," Cliff assured her with a wave of his hand, "How's my little man?"

"In a sour mood all day; I think he may have a temperature." Sue Ellen nonchalantly remarked, as she reached for her bathrobe and wandered into the bathroom. "I called Dr. Walters but he didn't seem concerned." Aaron was fifteen months old and they were obsessive about his health. While the neurofibromatosis had not reared its head _yet,_ there was the fear that it seemed inevitable. The initial paranoia had been unbearable. Whenever Aaron cried, or suffered disturbed sleep, or loss of appetite, Sue Ellen feared the worst. It was one of the reasons she so easily allowed Cliff benefit of the doubt for his dishonesty - he had only done so, to spare her the daily terrors he experienced.

Cliff popped his head into the nursery and Sue Ellen could practically _hear_ his dopey smile. "Did you miss your daddy?" Sue Ellen listened from afar as Cliff conversed with Aaron, who offered little input, and she smiled with the warmest of hearts; Cliff Barnes was a _natural_ at fatherhood.

* * *

"**SUE ELLEN - **"

Cliff's cries disturbed her first solitary moment of the day and Sue Ellen shut the shower off, in response to his audible panic.

The timespan between the moment her foot hit the floor to their arrival at the hospital was indecipherable but Sue Ellen's hair was still wet. Doctors and nurses swarmed them upon arrival and Cliff carefully positioned an unsettled Aaron onto the stretcher which had been wheeled toward them. "Please help my son," he implored, as they hastily whisked Aaron into the trauma unit.

"Cliff…" Sue Ellen softly whispered his name, in an unanswered plea for emotional and physical support.

Wrapped up in his own turbulent emotion, her cry for him was mute. Cliff ran one hand over his hair and muttered to himself, "I need to call Pam." There would be little his sister could do but her ever-rational presence calmed him; the Barnes family always rallied the troops well in times of crisis - they had plenty experience, after all. Inexplicably, he wandered in the opposite direction to the payphone set and brusquely explained himself, "I need some air first." The room started to feel as if all the air had been sucked out of it and Cliff hurried beyond the automatic double-doors they had previously burst into.

_Alone,_ in every sense of the word, a sickness started to rise from Sue Ellen's stomach. An icy chill ran down her spine, partially due to the damp patch at the back of the loose-fit blouse she had thrown on and the residue water that trickled downward. She forced herself to dial the private number for Southfork, her once-upon-a-time home. With little hesitation, a familiarly pompous Texan voice answered the phone. "Ya, hello?" It rendered her breathlessly silent, as _he_ always had done. Her shallow breaths were barely audible but must have deterred any intention to end what, for all intents and purposes, appeared to be a prank call. "Hello?" His impatience increased, for sure, and Sue Ellen quivered another breath into the mouthpiece clutched in both hands.

"J.R.," her lips trembled her husbands name.

"Sue Ellen?" Genuine concern infiltrated his tone and it was kindest, most-cordial way he had spoken his wife's name in months. His family naturally paused their own discussion at the dinner table and listened for the conversation. J.R. swivelled his back to eyes that pried and lowered his voice, "Are you alright?" There was a distinct vulnerability in her voice and he couldn't deny it worried him.

"Mrs. Barnes," a healthcare assistant incorrectly beckoned blindly from the nearby nurses station.

"Sue Ellen?" J.R. repeated her name before the line fell dead.


	4. Chapter 4

The Oakland Cemetery was empty but for the private memorial; less than a dozen individuals dressed in black attire to mourn the unthinkable.

From a safe and wary distance, J.R. privately witnessed the service in the drivers seat of his Chevrolet Corvette. Positioned around the painfully small void in the soil, Sue Ellen was flanked by his mother and brother - Bobby's arm curled around her tiny shoulders, likely the only stability in her form - as _The Lord's Prayer_ was performed in a most sombre but audible tone.

_"__For thine is the kingdom, the power and the Glory, for ever and ever. Amen." _J.R. released the final word within a hindered breath, his chest heavy with melancholy for the loss of the little boy who had almost been his.

The body of mourners slowly dispersed from the burial site and J.R. shadowed the two black Mercedes into downtown Dallas. The sky above darkened into a turbulent, pink haze in the hours J.R. parked outside the two-bedroomed apartment his wife called home. The complex was visibly middle-class but Cliff and Sue Ellen had been a happy family of three with their son, if Pam were any reliable source. He drummed the wheel absent-mindedly and observed Barnes relatives and business associates arrive to pay their respects. After an hour or so, the inhabitants surfaced onto the street in pursuit of a visibly emotional Cliff. While Bobby and Pam made their best effort to prevent his escape, Kristin spied J.R. from the doorway and welcomed his presence with her sly smile.

Bobby and Pam disbanded to search for Cliff and, within minutes, Patricia and Kristin also made their departure from the apartment. As J.R. understood from second-hand information, Sue Ellen had received little contact from her mother once Aaron's paternity became public domain and it had required considerable effort to persuade her attendance at the funeral. It occurred to J.R. that only his mother remained with Sue Ellen, his family still her only _real_ support system. "Goddamn, Barnes."

* * *

"J.R.," his mother failed to conceal her surprise at his arrival, as he loomed in the doorway of the apartment.

J.R. removed his Stetson and stepped over the threshold. "Mama," he quickly surveyed the room and noted _her_ absence. "How's Sue Ellen?" There was a distinct and permanent emptiness that felt reminiscent of Southfork after Sue Ellen and Aaron had left.

"She's exhausted and I don't think it would serve her well to see you," his mother firmly replied. In all her years, Miss Ellie had never witnessed Sue Ellen in such distress. She folded a blanket neatly and placed the material upon the back of the sofa. "This is all such a mess," she muttered. Cliff had bolted, ironically in his fathers footsteps - Willard, too, had disappeared shortly after the burial - and J.R. had fractured his relationship with Sue Ellen too deep to be any source of comfort. "J.R., I don't think you should be here; Cliff may be back any minute."

Her son courteously bowed his head, "She is still _my_ _wife,_ Mama."

"It's a little late for a sense of marital duty, J.R.," Miss Ellie remarked, irritable. His behaviours were often reprehensible but it was his failure as a husband that truly disappointed Miss Ellie. Jock had set such a benchmark example for him and J.R. had always aspired to better his father in every aspect.

"That may be but I'm here and Barnes sure as hell isn't," he matched the forcefulness in her tone. He had rarely defied his mother so openly and certainly not for the sake of Sue Ellen. "Please, Mama, I won't upset her - that much I promise." His mother reluctantly and silently conceded to his request, which had transpired into more of a demand, and J.R. walked beyond her to enter the bedroom. Sue Ellen was sat at the foot of the bed but her body swayed back and forth ever-so-subtly, as if her spine had suddenly lost all structure. J.R. respectfully removed his Stetson. He had broken her heart too many times to count but _this_ was so much more - Sue Ellen looked as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest and crushed; as if her soul had been buried with her son.

"She's been sedated," Miss Ellie attempted to soothe his concern. "She hasn't slept or eaten in days, so I called Dr. Danvers before the funeral."

"I suppose she's back on the bottle?" His voice was much harder than intended, as he placed a hand on Sue Ellen's shoulder and she unconsciously leaned into him, otherwise oblivious to his presence. Alcohol was her crutch, her instinctive response to any pain.

Miss Ellie shook her head in response; "No, Bobby and Pam emptied the apartment out and Bobby hasn't left her side once."

J.R. nodded his head, relieved, and crouched down to her level. "Sue Ellen, darlin'?" She was conscious but drowsy and disoriented, painfully reminiscent of her state after her son had been kidnapped from the hospital. Her shallow breaths struck the fear of God into him and he softly shook her a little. The physical sensation caused her eyes to focus on him and a whimper escaped her lips, as if the vision of him delivered her back into reality and she was forced to re-live the loss of her son.

"J.R…." she cried his name, and her sadness winded him like a sucker-punch to the stomach.

Somewhat relieved, Miss Ellie bowed her head - it was the first time Sue Ellen had spoken in days. She retreated from the room, as J.R. stroked Sue Ellen's hair and consoled her as best he could; "I'm here, honey." They had been separated for months but it was still _normal_ to hold her in his arms and he still cared, in spite of his intention not to.

J.R. listened closely as her pitchy sobs started to resemble fragmented sentences. "This - - is my fa-ult. It's all m-my - fault."


	5. Chapter 5

J.R. stretched out on two white wicker chairs on the patio which overlooked the pool and allowed the Texan sunshine to beat onto his face. Rarely did he retreat home from the office so early but the business day had shrivelled into sour disappointment. As he quenched his thirst on his mother's homemade lemonade, an unfamiliar vehicle advanced into the drive.

_She_ arose from the drivers seat, sublime in a white blouse tucked into three-quarter khaki pants. J.R. whipped the rose-coloured shades away from his face and rose to his feet, the first to receive her unannounced arrival, "Sue Ellen."

"Hello, J.R.," Sue Ellen brushed the wisps of brunette from her eyes, which softly squinted away from the sunbeam. Her mass of hair had been brushed into a relaxed beehive-style bun, and she looked the healthiest she had been for quite some time. "I - uh - called the office. Sly said you went home for the day," she explained, and his curiosity arose with the realisation that she was there _for him._

"Even the devil himself takes a day off, darlin'," J.R. playfully remarked, before his serenity returned. "What can I do for you?"

Sue Ellen forced a small and pleasant smile onto her lips in response. "Actually I came by to say thank you." J.R. raised his head, inquisitively. "You and Miss Ellie took such care of me after Aaron's funeral; I never did have the chance to tell you how much I appreciated the support." Any memories of the day she buried her son had thankfully been obliterated, a blur of raw emotion, but some details were visible in the haze; J.R.'s arms wrapped around her narrow shoulders, enveloped in his love. "I'm not sure I deserved such fine treatment from you," she readily admitted, for once stood tall and _almost_ unashamed of herself. In the weeks that followed Aaron's death, she had committed to a period of self-reflection on the downward trajectory her life had taken in recent years.

J.R. uneasily shifted his balance from one foot to another - he rarely found himself in the position of martyr _but,_ by all accounts, he had been one in Sue Ellen's hour of need. Afterward, too - he directed Harv Smithfield to ensure their divorce was finalised as swiftly and painlessly as possible. Sue Ellen received more-than-adequate provision via the settlement and J.R. had the records sealed to prevent further humiliation for all parties. "You were my wife for ten years, honey, part of this family - we look after our own," he offered weak rationale for his uncharacteristic behaviours.

"Well… anyway, I _am_ grateful," she stipulated, undeterred. Beneath his stone-wall exterior, J.R. suffered from a deep sense of self-depreciation, which she had been privy to once or twice in all their years as husband and wife. "Is Miss Ellie home?"

"No, Daddy took her to Galveston for a couple days," J.R. kicked the toe of his foot into the deck. Unbeknownst to many outside of the family, Jock and J.R.'s relationship had been strained since the paternity suit and had reached break-point after Aaron's death; the source of Jock's disappointment was J.R.'s _weakness_ in response to the threat Cliff and Sue Ellen had posed to their family.

Sue Ellen nodded her head, as she processed the information, mildly disappointed. "I see. Well, when she returns, would you have her call me? I would love to take her out for lunch soon. She can reach me at The Sheraton hotel."

"The Sheraton," J.R. spat out in repetition, his curiosity evoked.

Her eyes narrowed, almost unconsciously; very little happened in Dallas that J.R. didn't know about but _this_ seemed to be one of those rare phenomenons. "You didn't know - Cliff and I are separated." It became apparent that J.R. most definitely did not know and Sue Ellen softened, "It was… too hard for both of us." The loss of Aaron revealed their love to be somewhat artificial. In his absence, it was obvious how little else she and Cliff shared in common.

J.R. harrumphed, "Well, I'd be lyin' if I said I was sorry." He stopped short of his usual verbal attack on Cliff and refocused his concern for her emotional state. He didn't think Sue Ellen had ever lived alone. "You keepin' well?" Sue Ellen flashed a smile of reassurance. "Whatever you need, you know where to reach me."

"You've been more than kind, J.R.," she had become involuntarily accustomed to the kindness he had only shown her in the earlier years of their relationship. "Well, I - I have somewhere I need to be but I do want to say thank you _again _for all that you've done." Bravely, she closed the distance between them and planted a delicate kiss on his cheek.

"Take care of yourself, you hear?" J.R. called after Sue Ellen, as she hastily retreated away from Southfork, and he recalled their last conversation on the day of Aaron's funeral.

* * *

The reassurances J.R. did his best to provide Sue Ellen with were unheard and met with self-destructive defiance. "The-se are m-y sins," she choked on every word in between sobs and a desperate battle to breathe. The mathematic formula was easy to see - her infidelity had been a moral sin, irrespective of the rationale, and _this_ was her punishment.

"Darlin', if anyone deserves to be punished, it's me. It doesn't work like that," J.R. weakly remarked. He didn't fear God the way his mother did; J.R. saw life as his very own business deal and he would be damned if any entity held him on _His_ terms and conditions. "What happened to Aaron is terribly sad but you are not to blame for his death. _If anyone, Barnes -_" J.R. stifled his inherent hatred for Cliff, certain that it would not lessen her heartache.

"If he had been yours -" He held her in his arms and it almost felt _real,_ like they could have _made it._

J.R. caressed her cheek with his hand and softly positioned his thumb over her lips. Every ounce of him prayed the baby had been his son, if only for appearances sake at one point. "I know, darlin' - I know."


End file.
